WWE Heat Report: 2nd March 2008
By Shaun Best-Rajah.com Reporter
Commentators: Todd Grisham & Josh Mathews
Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts

Welcome aboard. I feel bad, as even I didn’t know that today marks the 500th edition of Heat. A decade of greatness. The Heat intro plays with the addition of a 500th flash graphic and also shows a montage of some of the Heat roster in action, with footage taken from 2007 and 2008. The stars shown (some more than once) in attacking positions are: Snitsky, Rory McAllister, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Paul London, Val Venis, Brian Kendrick, Santino Marella, Cody Rhodes and Lance Cade. A nice touch. They should leave this in permanently. Let’s see what’s in store for us on this momentous show. The action begins with……….

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs Jason Riggs
Uuuggh. Not the best of starts. Hacksaw grabs a mic. Oh no. After a Hoooo, Hacksaw says that tonight is Heat’s 500th show and he’s been on over 127 of those shows. LIAR!!! Following another Hoooo, Hacksaw summises that after Raw, Smackdown, ECW, Saturday Night’s Main Event, A.M Raw and the ocasional Diva Search specials, that Heat is the best damn show on the WWE. Hacksaw finishes with a third Hooooo and a USA chant. I’m pissed that he ranked A.M Raw above Heat. That show is the shits. Josh scoffs at being ranked 6/7th by Hacksaw while Grisham says making the top 20 is all that matters. Grisham brings up Tough Enough being blown off the list and later brings up Velocity, jokingly saying it was a terrible show with bad hosts. Back to the match, Hacksaw halts a lockup to Hoooo the crowd. A tieup to the ropes allows Riggs to land some forearms. Hacksaw comes back with three clotheslines. Riggs gets the advantage with a knee, snapmare and chinlock. Hacksaw elbows free so Riggs yanks him back down by the hair and re-applies the hold. The commentators discuss Floyd Mayweather’s $20 million WrestleMania payday with Grisham jokingly saying it takes him six months to earn that. Hacksaw escapes the chinlock again before turning the tables with a head ram attempt in the corner. Following a mounted three punch assault, Hacksaw catches Riggs in a slam then lands his three point stance clothesline. 1-2-3. Mercifully kept short. Here is Your Winner: HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN. Post match sees Hacksaw’s celebration get cut off by Paul Burchill’s music. Paul and Katie Lea come out for their Heat debut. After Katie congratulates ‘Jimbo’ on an impressive victory, Hacksaw riles Paul with a USA chant. Katie asks Paul for a moment alone with Hacksaw so Paul steps off the ring apron. Katie gets in the ring and flirts with Hacksaw as she talks. After calling Hacksaw sir, Katie says she came out to say how much she admired the way he was in the ring. (She must need glasses). Katie says Hacksaw was so strong and dominant like a great American hero. Nothing excites her more than watching a great American hero getting beaten the hell out of by her big brother Paul. As Katie says the last few words, Paul comes in and lays Hacksaw out with a big clothesline. While standing over Hacksaw, Paul takes the mic, saying when it comes to his baby sister, whatever Katie wants, Katie always gets. The Burchills raise their arms then leave. I guess this was Paul Burchill’s big impact that he alluded to on Raw this past week. Looks like we have our Heat main event covered for next week folks. The incest is on.

Jillian Hall’s Dedication to Heat
Jillian now sings her entrance theme as she comes out. Jillian comes out with an earpiece so it looks like we’re getting a song. Josh says he was listening to Jillian’s theme on his way to do the show. O-K Mr Mathews. Jillian says hello to the (Phoenix) crowd. Tonight is a very, very special occasion. It is Heat’s 500th show and she has come out here and has prepared a very special ballad to dedicate to Heat. Jillian pulls out a sheet of paper from her cleavage and commences singing, yelling, rambling, whatever you want to call it. She mentions something about Mideon and the Mean Street Posse early on before screeching I will always love Heat three times. With the crowd booing loudly, the camera cuts to multiple crowd shots with everyone covering their ears during this. After bringing up Gangrel and Scotty 2 Hotty, Jillian brings up the Worm and moves around like one. Charlie Haas is the next subject as Jillian sings we all love Charlie Haas, what’s the deal with his mask before saying she doesn’t get it. As she yells she loves Heat two more times, Jillian’s own music thankfully cuts her off. Jillian takes a bow then says the crowd were amazing and thanks them on her way to the back. Josh says the only words he understood were Mean Street Posse. Josh then complains of a headache. This was the worst three minutes of programming I’ve probably ever had to endure. Couldn’t Jillian have faced Ashley or something? Even that would have been better than this garbage. Show has been a mockery so far.

Please stay with it as help is on the way. A six man tag is here to save the show.

Snitsky, Robbie McAllister & Charlie Haas vs Val Venis, Super Crazy & Brian Kendrick
Time for the 500th Main Event. Everyone gets their own entrance. Val makes his first Heat appearance of 2008. The crowd react well to him. Kendrick eyes up Snitsky upon entering. Possible future feud perhaps? Grisham notes the face team for their quickness and the heel team for their strength. Val sorts out his team before squaring off with Robbie. Val schools Robbie with a waistlock, full nelson, snapmare, cross armbar, knee to the gut and wristlock. Josh seriously puts over Heat by saying that most shows last 30/40 episodes while Heat is on its 500th show. Finally some credit. Only five more years and Heat can have a 15th Anniversary show just like Raw did last December. Robbie comes back with a side headlock. Val uses a leg push counter to apply a hammerlock. Robbie retaliates with an elbow to the head, headbutt and uppercut. Val cuts off a rope whip and lands two running kneelifts and a side russian legsweep to get a one count. Val winds up an arm, Crazy tags, drops a double axehandle from the top rope then works over the arm a little. Robbie comes back with punches, elbows and a head ram in the corner. Crazy reverses off the ropes, Robbie tries a sunset flip, Crazy rolls back and hits a mini blockbuster type neckbreaker then a standing moonsault for a nearfall. Crazy with an armwringer, Robbie knees the gut then tags in Haas. Haas charges into a drop toehold. Crazy gets a one count off an oklahoma roll. Crazy continues with a boot, snapmare and la mahistrol cradle for a nearfall. Crazy ducks under a punch before landing a wheelbarrow front takedown to Haas. With Haas in a seated position, Crazy quickly hits a springboard dropkick from the second rope. Robbie breaks up a cover at two. Good fast paced action here early on. The crowd pop as Kendrick tags in and delivers a top rope mushroom stomp to Haas for a nearfall. Josh no longer does the Mario Bros sound effects for the move as he’s past that. Kendrick continues with an armdrag/armbar before working over Haas’ arm with kicks, punches and knee drives. Kendrick bridges back as he gets Haas’ arm tied up in a hammerlock position. Kendrick even gets a nearfall out of it. Haas goes to the corner, both men stare the other down before circling the ring. Haas gets the advantage with a boot, back club and two elbows to the back of Kendrick’s head. Haas applies a mixture of a side headlock and chinlock to Kendrick. Kendrick uses punches to force Haas off the ropes. Haas lands a shoulder tackle before Kendrick comes back with a legsweep and tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Haas disappears under the ring as we cut away for a brief UK WrestleMania Revenge tour promo. We come back to see Haas in a change of costume complete with La Parka esque mask. Haas has gained the advantage and he Irish whips Kendrick then catches him in a belly-to-belly suplex. As Haas poses, Snitsky tags in for his first taste of action. Snitsky slams Kendrick but misses a legdrop allowing Kendrick to tag Crazy. Crazy starts to kick at the back of Snitsky’s legs until Snitsky grabs him and throws him into the corner. Crazy sidesteps a charge then starts to kick at Snitsky’s legs again. Snitsky reverses an Irish whip. Crazy floats over a charge but as he gets his balance back, Snitsky levels him with a clothesline. Snitsky shakes off his leg then drops three elbows and roids up…I mean riles up a little. Snitsky Irish whips Crazy then hits a corner clothesline. As Crazy falls to the mat, Robbie goads him from the apron saying he’s not so Crazy now. Snitsky drives Crazy into the heel corner where Snitsky delivers some boots. As Haas and Robbie choke Crazy behind the referee’s back, Val steps in to go at it with Snitsky. The referee tries and fails to step in as Snitsky wins a heated punch exchange before turning his attention back to the now fallen Crazy. Haas tags, lands sitdown shots to the back, then teases Crazy by letting him get inches towrads a tag before tugging him back by the hair. Haas clotheslines Val and Kendrick off the apron before taking Crazy’s Mexican flag, pulling his mask off, wiping his face with the flag then chucking it. Haas no-sells some kicks to the leg as he puts the mask back on and jumps down onto Crazy, landing punches to the head. Haas applies a chinlock before stretching out Crazy’s arms. Crazy gets to his feet so Haas headbutts him down. Haas slams Crazy then tags Robbie who jumps over the ropes with a legdrop onto Crazy for a nearfall. Robbie lands a series of double axehandles and stomps before applying a chinlock of his own. Kendrick and Val get the crowd going as Crazy starts to elbow free. Robbie throws Crazy to the mat, drops a knee and tags Haas back in. Haas stomps, pulls Crazy into a seated position then lands measured kicks to the back and chest for a nearfall. Grisham brings up Haas’ background in mixed martial arts, boxing and amateur wrestling. Haas sends Crazy off the ropes, catching him in an abdominal stretch. Haas pinches the skin during the move before hooking the rope for unfair extra leverage. The referee doesn’t see this on two occasions, despite Kendrick’s protestations. Crazy’s partners get the crowd going again which leads to Crazy pulling Haas’ mask off then hiptossing free. Crazy throws the mask down, Haas hooks a leg but Crazy hits an enziguiri kick. Both men tag out to Kendrick and Robbie. As Kendrick comes in, he catches Robbie with a dropkick. Kendrick hits a flying forearm, heel kick and dropkick to Robbie. Kendrick surprises Snitsky on the apron with a low dropkick then connects with another flying forearm on Robbie. Haas runs in and gets a backbodydrop which sends him out to the apron. Kendrick sets Robbie up for Sliced Bread #2, Snitsky rushes in but Kendrick ducks and Snitsky smashes Haas with a big boot and gets his boot tangled in the ropes. Kendrick hits Sliced Bread #2 on Robbie after using Snitsky as the walkway. Awesome! Kendrick and Crazy use a dropkick/chop combo to send Snitsky to the floor. Kendrick tags Val who heads up top, hits the Money Shot on Robbie and gets the 1-2-3. Really good Main Event. Match went around 12 minutes. Haas carried the load for the heel team which made it good. Wise usage of Snitsky too. Here Are Your Winners: VAL VENIS, SUPER CRAZY & BRIAN KENDRICK. Post match sees the faces hug then get their arms raised. Grisham calls Crazy the hero for taking the abuse that he did.

Grisham thanks us for watching this special edition of Heat before saying he’ll see us next week. End of show.

Best Match: The Main Event.
Worst Match: It wasn’t a match but Jillian Hall’s dedication was hands down the worst thing on the show. At least Hacksaw’s match produced a rare Heat angle.
Show Verdict: The Main Event really saved this show from being a comedic, joke of a tribute. Thumbs in the middle. Shame there was no Heat flashbacks or cameo appearances from past Heaters. They would have been more appropriate than Raw recaps this week perhaps.

Here’s to the next 500 shows. Join me next weekend for show number 501. Have a good week and take care. Later. Shaun.

If anyone wants to sound off, chew the fat or talk wrestling get in touch. Comments/praise/feedback/criticism/discussion points please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.